My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
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Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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