You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
vagina is talking i cant
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
