They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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