we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
