fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
