thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
