He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
either way he was missing a nipple.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
