Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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