Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
