Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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