I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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