Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This baby is an asshole
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
