I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sorry about my life...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
