Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
