so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
