I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
