He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
