My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
