His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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