this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
