I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
