Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
