i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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