Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
