I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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