Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
