She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
