I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
