about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
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I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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