ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
