Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
