The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
