The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
