hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
