wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
