What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
