what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
