i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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