You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
