Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
