3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
