my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
