I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
