She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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