Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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