ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
