Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
