I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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