why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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