Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
