So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just found puke in my bra..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
