I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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