It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
