that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
