I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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