Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
