She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
