You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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