i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
