; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The air was thick with penises
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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