he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
