She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
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I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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