we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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