i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
