belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
