First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I want her autograph on my taint
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
