Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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