and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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