It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im holly from the hills drunk
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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