Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
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