btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He keeps bees of course he's weird
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
