You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
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there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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