I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
