Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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