Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's official drugs can't kill me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
