His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
