You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Can I color on your dick again?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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