Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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