textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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