When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
