You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
