i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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