are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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