btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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