thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
