I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I still have a little drunk in my system
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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