I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
